Your cat ‘innocently’ yet incessantly loitering at your feet, has turned out to be part of a plot to kill you and eat you, it has been confirmed.
Puddleduck Johnson revealed the nationwide ploy last night when he could no longer keep up pretences. “I was so hungry, I couldn’t even remember the last time I ate, the old dear wasn’t getting it, I couldn’t floor the tower, so when her lace came undone I just lost it and tried to ravage her where she stood”.
It turns out cats every where, if not fed on command have a back up plan. They will trip you up and once your down, they will feed on your remains.
Betsy Johnson, Puddleducks human Mum – “I don’t know what had got into him last night, he was a very boisterous boy. I’d just given him some ham to keep him going whilst I cooked up our mackeral, he was doing his usual dance around my feet but I think he must have got over excited when my lace came undone”.
