The houses of parliament have voted to hold a referendum to settle the nationwide dispute that has erupted over the gender of Father Christmas.
Historically Father Christmas was believed to be the nations Father of Christmas and thus was presumed male. However in recent times speculation has suggested this is a socially constructed lie and he could well be female, gender neutral, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual (aka LGBTTQQIAAP) or a fish. I’m not quite sure what his/her/their sexuality has to do with it but it does.
Righteous modern day believers have pointed out the whole Father thing, is outdated and sexist. Years ago the Father of the house might have brought home the bacon and thus paid for the gifts but nowadays women are out their working, buying and paying for Christmas shiz and sprinkling the magic fricking joy everywhere so why shouldn’t their gender be basking in the Christmas glory.
Political narcissits, now bored with Brexit are looking to spice things up and what better way than by degendering the old man altogether. And whilst they’re at it, they’re coming for Mrs Claus too.
The fish are pissed. Just because they need to live in water to breath, why are they not being given equal job opportunities in the land and it’s presumed they couldn’t fly the sleigh.
In the depths of the North Pole the elves are worried and Father Christmas has hit the bottle. They handled the move from wooden toys to plastic shit and igadget bollocks to keep up with China but even they don’t know how to navigate this political correctness minefield. Mrs Claus is fuming. “Nick and I conceived Christmas the old fashioned way; and I pushed it out my vag! Now if you don’t all shut up and eat your sprouts, Christmas is cancelled! Mrs Claus is considering moving the business and good old fashioned tradition to Mars.