In case you didn’t know, all people that wear lanyards, are more important than you.
When a person wears a lanyard, it automatically catapolts them to the higher echolens of society and they should be regarded as such.
Whether you’re a Doctor, teacher, receptionist or retail operative – the lanyard gives the wearer equal importance to other lanyard wearers, regardless of the situation.
In order to responsibly fulfill the expectations of this respected social status, one must wear the lanyard at all times. This includes the journey to and from work, trips to the supermarket, on all first dates, holidays and even whilst asleep in bed as this is where you’re superior sense of self is thoroughly charged for the day ahead.
If however, you do in fact work in sports direct, the advice is to where your picture ID towards your chest when re-directing traffic for maximum credibility in your adopted role.
Forget calling the emergency services in an emergency; just find someone wearing a lanyard and all problems will be solved.
The only way to elevate one’s social status beyond that of a lanyard wearer, is to don a Hi-Vis waistcoat! Lanyard + Waistcoat = The Untouchable.
