With 5 days to go until 2019, shit friends everywhere are re-evaluating their shitness.
They are acknowledging thier lack of contribution to the group chat and suspect you’ve figured out their message back algorithm (a reply to every 5th message you send).
Whilst generally they’re quite happy to predominantly remain recluses, the festive period has reminded them it’s important to have friends for a few reasons.
a. A full mantelpiece of shit christmas cards you didn’t want is essential and writing cards to yourself is just sad.
b. With endless opportunities to drink, one must have a friend prop to appear less alcoholicky and more social drinker.
c. With all this extra time spent with loved ones there’s a lot more venting to be done about how much your family pisses you off.
d. Having friends to give and receive shit presents too is what Christmas is all about.
e. One needs a plan for New years eve.
Shit friends recognise they need to make more effort to keep in touch, be more socialable and engage with your chitter chatter bollocks and agree to more regular meet ups.
With the pressure of New year and a resolution to commit to they promise to be better next year. And they mean it. They’ve written a message that’s reflective and all heart and makes you feel loved and special.
However this likely was written 5 years ago and has been copied and pasted every year and sent to all their friends.
I give them until the 10th of January when they’ll run out of social steam, respond to your every 6th message and hunker down until next year.
