We all know the school PTA is a bit of a nightmare but in the lead up to Christmas, the PTA are on full power and you’ll find yourself having a month of baking, donating and sewing.
Baking: Not only do you have to bake (you can’t buy after being overheard that you love baking with Karen, the self proclaimed head of the PTA piping up that she could do with your help this Christmas.) You’ll have to buy other peoples cakes back. Don’t they know you have OCD? Have they got a 5* rated kitchen from the health inspectors? Is that a dog hair or a pube?
The Christmas fayre: Not only do you have to donate to the tombola, you then end up running the stall and then your lovely children spend your hard earned money winning ‘prizes’. A tin of chicken curry, yes! It’s not like you’ll have time to cook for the kids anyway.
The Nativity: Just how you ended up volunteering to make 42 outfits for shephards is unknown to you, time to bulk buy teatowels. It’s been 20 years since you took a G.C.S.E in textiles, this could be interesting. It won’t be too hard to beat Janice’s attempt last year, it looked like an army of KKK members on the stage looking over the baby jesus.
The Choir: Your child’s school has made the lovely gesture of offering to go to local old folks homes with the choir. Somehow, yet again, you have agreed to chaperone, sure that bloody Karen is putting your name down without asking. Damn having ‘baby brain’ 8 years after the birth of your youngest. Worst still, your child has no filter. How they weren’t banned after loudly exclaiming “It smells of wee in here!” the last time they went, you’ll never know. You’ll have to hope they don’t up the ante next year.
The Christmas jumper: How does last years not fit? Last minute dash to the local super market because it’s Christmas jumper day. Another pay out – in the name of Christmas and then you have to PAY for them to wear it to school. How much this time? £1, £2. Maybe you could quickly knit some jumpers for the children who have forgotten?
The Christmas Raffle: Take EVERYTHING have it all, take my house, my car. Fuck it, take the kids Karen. I’m done.